Time really does heal all. Especially your ego.
Last Sunday I accompanied my friend Brittany to the Tampa Bay Bridal Expo in St. Petersburg. I love all things weddings, so I was excited she invited me.
Of course the best part of going to one of these bridal expos is not actually being the bride. Anytime an overly-enthusiastic vendor stepped forward and asked who the bride was, I practically shoved poor Brittany at them. Thankfully Brittany has most of her vendors already picked out and booked for her wedding so they mostly left us alone. And after we got over the initial guilt of disappointing the vendors, we were able to enjoy all the other perks of being there. We sampled buffet lines of pastas and cheese, luscious cakes and sweets, and even a drink or two (some we knew to be non-alcoholic, but I'm not so sure about that agave mojito. I felt reeeeally good after that one). And we still had a blast seeing the different products and services catered to engaged and newlywed couples. As we walked around, surrounded by flower arrangements and sample gowns, I must admit it made me wistful for that time of being "the bride".
We continued to make our way through the convention center, passing all the excited women and their entourages who chatted with the vendors, and I continued to feel that little tug of sadness. I will never be that "blushing bride" again, I thought with a sigh.
Eventually we found ourselves at a booth for a photographer who specializes in sexy boudoir photo shoots. She had several photo albums showcasing her work on the table for prospective clients to scan through. If I was feeling old and tired before, I suddenly felt like a wretched hag then. All the women in the photos looked like bombshells, with incredible curves and smooth skin. Seeing their perfect beauty brought back awful flashbacks to the time I decided to do a boudoir photo shoot, myself...(if you recall this story, feel free to zip ahead to the end)
It was almost nine years ago, back when Groupons were one of the biggest trends in online marketing. I used to scroll through the latest offerings to find deals on activities or restaurants. I was feeling pretty lousy about myself back then, too, so I was looking for things to cheer myself up with. That's when I found the Groupon for the boudoir photo shoot. It was a great deal and I was hoping seeing myself in sexy lingerie would make me feel sexy and desirable. I also liked the idea of having a memento of my "youth" that I could look back on with a smile when I'm old and gray. I asked my friend/coworker to join me since she said it was something she always wanted to try too.
The night before the shoot we met up at her house to try on and discuss what we were going to wear. My friend was twice my age yet she had more confidence than anyone I knew. She picked out some really skimpy pieces along with some more traditional negliges and she looked smashing because she carried herself with such assurance. I picked out a few things to wear and I thought I looked pretty good, but I definitely didn't have the confidence that my friend had. I figured I would feel it more the next day once I got my hair and makeup done and I was sitting in good lighting.
Well, the next day arrived and I woke up with a huge blemish on my neck that was swollen twice its size. I was so embarrassed by it, I didn't want to bring it to the attention of the make-up girl. I just hoped she would cover it for me. No such luck.
With my confidence already taking a big hit, I hoped at least that the other body shots would turn out great. When it was time to look at our photos, my friend was ecstatic. She couldn't decide which photo she loved more and pored tirelessly over all her selections. After she finished, it was my turn. I felt my blood rush as I waited for the screen to show my picture and when it did, my heart sank right back down.
I looked...ok. Not great. Not incredible. Just ok. My stomach and arms, despite my monthly efforts of working out and dieting, still looked puffy. My face appeared stiff and mannish. And there, bright and red, was my blemish.
I was crushed. I had hoped for this image to be the perfect remembrance for my time past and instead I wanted to bury it.
I was crushed. I had hoped for this image to be the perfect remembrance for my time past and instead I wanted to bury it.
I thought about all of this as I stood there looking at these incredibly sexy women in those boudoir photographs at the Bridal Expo.
After we left I texted Joe about the experience and my memories of my boudoir photo shoot. "You should've' see these women," I texted, "this is how I was HOPING I'd look."
We got home from the expo and I started helping with dinner when Joe disappeared for a few minutes. When he returned, he handed me this picture from my shoot.
He kissed my cheek and said, "I think you looked exactly how I hoped you would look."
It made me smile. And as I looked more closely at the other images from my shoot, my opinion of myself softened a bit. These pictures ended up doing exactly what I was hoping they would - reminding me of who I was years ago and hopefully remembering that she's still there somewhere.
So I won't ever be the "bride" again. I will never be 25 again. But I am still me, no matter when.
Ok, now it's your turn! Did you ever come upon something from your past that you once feared or loathed but looking upon it now you appreciate it? How did your mindset change?
You are a hot mamma and everyone thinks so!
ReplyDeleteI'm friends with a photographer who (among other styles) does tasteful nude art photography. He himself is not at all creepy and is happily married for decades. He asks *every* woman he has any connection to if she'd like to pose for one of his pieces. Young, old, thin, thick. He told me you'd think it'd be the women in their twenties who were the most confident with their bodies, but no. Most turn it down because they don't think their body is perfect enough. Somewhere around 40 though, confidence boosts. He starts getting a lot more yeses. Most of the women in his pieces are 40+ (and I've seen these art pieces with their super gorgeous curves and skin) but that wouldn't be your first thought. I think people in their 40's probably have reached a "now or never" state of mind regarding this kind of thing. But then after they do it, they realize how awesome they are and they could have done it sooner and it would have been awesome then, too.